MALDIVES – An island country in the Indian Ocean southwest of Sri Lanka, consisting of 19 atolls made up of more than 2,000 coral islands. Settled by various groups from southern Asia, the islands were converted to Islam in the 12th century. The Maldives became a self-governing British protectorate in 1887 and achieved independence as a sultanate (1965) and subsequently as a republic (1968). Male is the capital. Population: 369,000.
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I have spent the last twelve years married to the same woman. I have discovered there are subtle clues to warn you when your wife is about to strike. Like a cobra preparing its fangs many women have signs to warn you of impending disaster. The following clues should help identify situations where you need to be cautious.
Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, at a minimum this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes doing something you enjoy before helping around the house. Do it, she will make your life hell otherwise.
Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means “something” and you should be very cautious. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine“.
Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON’T DO IT! Do not stumble into her trap.
Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.
That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you, do not question it. Just say you’re welcome and back out of the room slowly never losing eye contact. You probably did something wrong but won’t know it for six months.
Remember these are only a couple of clues. Men, be very cautious having this knowledge increases the danger of being blind-sided. It is your duty to share additional clues as you come across them. Do not think for a moment her sweet, seemingly loving personality don’t hide venomous deadly fangs. Given the chance she will sink those fangs deep into your soul and suck the life right out of you.
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Dist
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15.01 mi
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Avg Spd
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15.2 mph
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Time
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59:03
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Odo
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570.6 mi
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| Distances and speed are recorded in miles | ||||
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff’s deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , Texas . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy’ s expense.
The deputy says,’ License and registration, please.‘
‘What for?‘ says the lawyer.
The deputy says, ‘You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.’
Then the lawyer says, ‘I slowed down, and no one was coming.‘
‘You still didn’t come to a complete stop, says the deputy. License and registration, please.‘
The lawyer says, ‘What’s the difference?‘
‘The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!‘ the Deputy says.
Lawyer says, ‘If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.‘
‘That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,’ the deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, ‘Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?‘
Paul M. Done 