FOR MEN – Warning Signs

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I have spent the last twelve years married to the same woman. I have discovered there are subtle clues to warn you when your wife is about to strike. Like a cobra preparing its fangs many women have signs to warn you of impending disaster. The following clues should help identify situations where you need to be cautious.

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, at a minimum this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes doing something you enjoy before helping around the house. Do it, she will make your life hell otherwise.

Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means “something” and you should be very cautious. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine“.

Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON’T DO IT! Do not stumble into her trap.

Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you, do not question it. Just say you’re welcome and back out of the room slowly never losing eye contact. You probably did something wrong but won’t know it for six months.

Remember these are only a couple of clues. Men, be very cautious having this knowledge increases the danger of being blind-sided. It is your duty to share additional clues as you come across them. Do not think for a moment her sweet, seemingly loving personality don’t hide venomous deadly fangs. Given the chance she will sink those fangs deep into your soul and suck the life right out of you.

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